Lifestyle

Australia's got no talent

AUSTRALIAN amateur singers, jugglers and dancers are facing burnout with a boom in talent shows sparking a shortage of performers.

Reality performance show researcher Professor Geoff Bandstand said almost a decade of talent shows had severely depleted talent stakes and forced some celebrity wannabes to appear on up to five different shows in a single week to fill the quota.

"If the trend continues I expect within three years we will need to recycle Guy Sebastian and Shannon Noll and just hope nobody remembers they have already been on TV," he said.

Television insiders conceded they were struggling to find genuine talent to sustain a full season of talent programs.

"We are certainly becoming far less discerning," one insider said.

"These days we will pretty much take anyone who can sing vaguely in tune, dance without falling off stage or pull a rabbit out of a hat without killing it.

"In fact, on the rare occasion we uncover anyone with actual talent, everyone's jaw drops and it goes crazy on YouTube. A lot of genuine performers steer clear of the shows if only to avoid the banal interview with the annoying host at the end of the set."

Prof Bandstand said the shows also seemed less able to attract performers with bad attitudes who were prepared to storm off the stage or belittle the music talent of the judges.

"We have entered the era of the talent show wimp," he said.

"When people are told they have no talent or personality, and pretty much no prospects in life, they tend to thank the judges for their honesty rather than knocking over tables and using expletives.

"Even the nasty judges seem to have run out of energy. And if one more person talks about the journey they are on I will puke."

Research on the fate of talent show winners suggests that they have approximately zero per cent chance of becoming superstars and most will be totally forgotten after six months, except once a year at the Christmas carols concert.

Second albums by talent show contestants typically end up as landfill or stabilising tables on uneven floors.

"The best they can really hope for is a slot on Celebrity Apprentice or to put on a heap of weight and get a gig on a celebrity weight-loss show," statistician Bernie Sugar said.

Mr Sugar said the only other hope for these performers seemed to be exposure in women's magazines because of personal crises or relationship breakdowns, or through clustering of generic talent as boy bands singing soft pop for screaming 12-year-olds.

"They might also get a small slot on another reality show if they try to smuggle contraband into the country or they do something dramatic on Bondi Beach," he said.

 

>> Read more lifestyle stories.

Topics:  column, entertainment, humour, opinion, talent show, thirsty cow




New cafe, fast food outlet for Warwick?

NEW SHOPS: The block on the corner of Albion and Fitzroy Sts is about to get a makeover.

Food and drink outlet and offices for prime Warwick block

One injured after Ballandean paddock fire

Emergency services attended a paddock fire in Ballandean on Thursday afternoon.

One person treated after paddock fire in Ballandean

'Dramatic scenes': Woman had a hand in hotel lockdown, police say

LOCKDOWN: These dramatic scenes unfolded on Palmerin St in June.

Man allegedly behind The Criterion Hotel lockdown heard in court.

Latest deals and offers

Rob Kardashian 'neglected' by Blac Chyna

Friends say they are now 'back in love'

Isla Fisher: I don't like talking about my private life

Isla Fisher shut down TV hosts when they asked about her husband

Mariah Carey: I 'can't believe' Prince has gone

'Prince was one of the best people I've met'

Joe Jonas' 'tough' pals

Joe Jonas' pals are 'tough' with his potential partners

The Bachelor wash up: bacon, plank offs and that white rose

Richie Strahan, second from left, with bachelorettes Eliza, Faith, Noni and Janey in a scene from episode one of the fourth season of The Bachelor.

RICHIE Strahan meets some beautiful, and colourful, bachelorettes.

You can own this Queensland town for just $1

Yelarbon

Unprecedented auction of town's business centre with no reserve

Work starts on $15M Caloundra apartment building

Turning the first sod at the Aqua View Apartments site in Kings Beach are (from left) husband-and-wife developers Alex Yuan and Stella Sun with construction company Tomkins director Mike Tomkins and Councillor Tim Dwyer.

Developers excited about addition to Kings Beach skyline

72-year-old Coast developer set to start new project

GREEN LIGHT: The Cosmopolitan has been approved for development at Cotton Tree.

Meet the Canberran set to deliver another chapter for Coast suburb

Plans revealed for 1500-lot 'master-planned community'

Precinct will be bounded by Boundary St and Shoesmith Rd

Ecco Ripley sales run sparks prime release

MOVING IN: Sekisui House has announced the release of more residential blocks at Ecco Ripley.

Sekisui House is preparing to unveil more land at Ecco Ripley

The climb is slow but property on the way up

Michael Matusik, director of Matusik Property Insights.Photo Allan Reinikka / The Morning Bulletin

The improvement would be mild when compared to past cycles