All I ask for is a pink, pee and bicker-free Mother's Day!
MOTHER'S Day is rolling around again on Sunday - and this year, rather than endure the annual dressing gowns and fluffy slippers. I thought I would make some tactful suggestions on what I would really love this year.
1. To sleep in past 5am without being woken up by little boy's requests to urinate, defecate, story-create or intervene in a small scale domestic disturbance. Past 0500hrs, please, just once.
2. No more pink! I hate pink, I've always hated pink. Please, please, don't buy me anything pink. Consider this house a pink free zone. I would take brown over pink. Even a bird poo brown.
3. A meal on Mother's Day that doesn't come from a takeaway shop. I don't expect a nine course degustation menu, hell I'll have bacon and eggs for dinner, even a bowl of cereal - as long as you have cooked it or made it yourself.
Takeaway is cheating! Get your butt into the kitchen and make me some pie!
4. To drink a whole cup of tea before it gets cold. In one sitting. Without having to microwave it. I can drink it really, really fast, just let it be hot
5. Tranquility - although I think asking for world peace would be easier. For one whole day I would love my house to be a 'no fighting or bickering zone'.
I don't care who flushed who's Lego down the toilet, I don't care if your brother filled your bed full of sand, I don't care who hit who and started it first, is it too much to ask for a ceasefire for just 24hrs? They do it in actual war zones!
6. I'd like to go grocery shopping alone. Yes of course I'd love to spend all day with my family, and I will, but just give me one hour's peace. I can leave and do the grocery shopping at the same time - kills two birds with one stone.
7. Last year my husband bought me a gurney for Mother's Day. A cross between a power tool and a cleaning implement, it was ingenious. I know HE wanted a gurney - but it's all mine. And I shall gurney all day.
Even the word is great. Gurney. Plus the addictively satisfying feeling of power whilst waving my magic water pressure wand in the air getting all the dirt and grot off the house - and the clean lasts for more than 10 minutes.
I could gurney all day. I'll have another present like that please!
8. I would love to have a shower on my own. One shower. It seems when Mum is trapped in a glass cubicle with no escape, this is the time to sit right outside that cubicle and ask Mum all those pressing questions that Dad avoids - 'Where do babies come from' - But HOW do they get into your tummy.
Do you have a baby in your tummy now? How does it get out? GAHHH go ask your father!
9. I'd really love a good book for Mother's Day. Something I can enjoy at the end of a hard day. No I don't want the Biography of Tommy Lee or a book on Ferrari's. I also don't want Mills and Boon or Twilight (got them already). Just pick something from Oprah's bookclub - I'm sure I'll love it.
10. Lastly, I may get it every day, but the love, kisses and cuddles I get on Mother's Day has that little extra something that only a mother would understand.
There is nothing better than those special handmade gifts, cards and poems, given with such huge pride and love by your little ones, as they try so very hard to give you the very best Mother's Day, usually forgetting that it's supposed to be all about you.
Jody Allen is the chief editor and owner of Stay at Home Pty Ltd, a website providing great advice for parents, particularly in the area of saving money. Her blog will appear each week on this site.
You can read more of her great posts at www.stayathomemum.com.au