Lifestyle

Australia's got no talent

AUSTRALIAN amateur singers, jugglers and dancers are facing burnout with a boom in talent shows sparking a shortage of performers.

Reality performance show researcher Professor Geoff Bandstand said almost a decade of talent shows had severely depleted talent stakes and forced some celebrity wannabes to appear on up to five different shows in a single week to fill the quota.

"If the trend continues I expect within three years we will need to recycle Guy Sebastian and Shannon Noll and just hope nobody remembers they have already been on TV," he said.

Television insiders conceded they were struggling to find genuine talent to sustain a full season of talent programs.

"We are certainly becoming far less discerning," one insider said.

"These days we will pretty much take anyone who can sing vaguely in tune, dance without falling off stage or pull a rabbit out of a hat without killing it.

"In fact, on the rare occasion we uncover anyone with actual talent, everyone's jaw drops and it goes crazy on YouTube. A lot of genuine performers steer clear of the shows if only to avoid the banal interview with the annoying host at the end of the set."

Prof Bandstand said the shows also seemed less able to attract performers with bad attitudes who were prepared to storm off the stage or belittle the music talent of the judges.

"We have entered the era of the talent show wimp," he said.

"When people are told they have no talent or personality, and pretty much no prospects in life, they tend to thank the judges for their honesty rather than knocking over tables and using expletives.

"Even the nasty judges seem to have run out of energy. And if one more person talks about the journey they are on I will puke."

Research on the fate of talent show winners suggests that they have approximately zero per cent chance of becoming superstars and most will be totally forgotten after six months, except once a year at the Christmas carols concert.

Second albums by talent show contestants typically end up as landfill or stabilising tables on uneven floors.

"The best they can really hope for is a slot on Celebrity Apprentice or to put on a heap of weight and get a gig on a celebrity weight-loss show," statistician Bernie Sugar said.

Mr Sugar said the only other hope for these performers seemed to be exposure in women's magazines because of personal crises or relationship breakdowns, or through clustering of generic talent as boy bands singing soft pop for screaming 12-year-olds.

"They might also get a small slot on another reality show if they try to smuggle contraband into the country or they do something dramatic on Bondi Beach," he said.

 

>> Read more lifestyle stories.

Topics:  column entertainment humour opinion talent show thirsty cow



Our six art gallery picks for a creative day out

YOU may not associate Brisbane with a burgeoning art scene, but you’d be mistaken.

Six hideaway bars to escape winter chill

The Gresham's charm will win you over before your first sip.

THESE are the perfect places to hang this winter.

Brisbane's arts and culture events centre stage

You loved the film, now you're about to love the musical. Don't miss The Bodyguard The Musical in Brisbane this July.

THE arts and culture events you don't want to miss.

Homewares stores to fulfil your Instagram dreams

No Caption

You too can become an Insta-star with these fab stores.

Date nights under $50

Nothing is more romantic than a picnic with a cracking view.

NOT every date has to cost you a bomb.

Top 10 Brisbane experiences to cross off your bucket list

Do yourself a favour and get amongst the food truck scene. Eat Street is a great place to start.

A GOOD bucket list doesn’t have to span continents or cost millions.

Six mega sporting events you need to be at this year

Don't miss all the action trackside this season.

IF THERE is one thing Brisbane does damn well, it’s play host.

Working to wipe out relentless ice scourge

IT'S A KILLER:MP David Littleproud has vowed to tackle the ice epidemic sweeping the state.

Warwick is fighting its own battle against the deadly scourge

A day in the life - Warren Webster

CAREER MOVES: Warren Webster overlooks Palmerin St from his historic Warwick office.

Warren Webster's life could have taken several very different paths

Winter's icy touch to arrive just in time

WINTER IS COMING: Winter's frosty fingers are tightening their grip on Warwick.

Warwick traditionally gets its first frost around Anzac Day

Local Partners

Sam Armytage and Tom Cruise? Saaaaay what?

SAMANTHA Armytage has hit back at rumours she’s dating Tom Cruise, following reports the pair had hit it off during an interview on Sunrise.

Musical tribute to flood volunteers released

Songwriter honours flood volunteers who helped their neighbours.

Lismore songwriter Simon Thomas was moved by strangers' kindness

Karl Stefanovic's rant about Schapelle Corby 'a bit rich'

Karl Stefanovic is sick of hearing about Schapelle Corby.

Maybe he just wanted to make himself the story.

Could Schapelle be heading for Gladstone?

Australian Schapelle Corby is escorted by Bali Police at the parole office in Denpasar, Bali, Indonesia, 27 May 2017.

Schapelle's mother teases her free daughter could be Gladstone bound

Six things you never knew about Men in Black

Mushu the pug

It's been 20 years since Men in Black first hit cinemas

10 strange stories behind famous sex scenes

Khaleesi and Khal Drogo in a steamy moment.

Every set has their own way of filming sex scenes

HBO spills new details on Game of Thrones’ final season

Game of Thrones’ eighth and final season will only have six episodes.

New details about what to expect from the eighth, final instalment.

New $46.7m counter-terrorism facility to be built in Wacol

Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk, pictured with Police Commisioner Ian Stewart, has announced plans to build a new counter-terrorism facility in Wacol.

The facility will be built over three years.

Home to a sex worker: Sordid history of iconic Coast shed

Milojevic Djordjevic's daughter Linda at the derelict shed on Yandina-Coolum Road.

The shed was once a liveable 'barrack'.

This is real estate's billion-dollar man

Bob Wolff at AREC with John McGrath of McGrath Real Estate.

They don’t call him the “Billion dollar man” for nothing

Man's amazing comeback from monster crisis

Pat O'Driscoll agents Penny Keating and Doug Webber sold 56 Agnes St, The Range at auction over the weekend.

NOT long ago, he sold his possessions to pay staff. Now he's back.

Report reveals progress on $319m airport upgrade

Aerials of the Sunshine Coast.Jetstar plane in front of the Susnhine Coast terminal, Sunshine Coast Airport.

Over two dozen government approvals needed for airport expansion

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!