Conquering domestic science without finesse

FINALLY back at work after my recent leave for the birth of baby number three.

I have had time to ponder during the past few weeks of intense domestic training from my wife, who is just a cravat away from being Matt Preston when it comes to being critical.

Apparently my ways of saving time around the house aren't entirely correct, like hanging out clothes with one peg or driving to get mail from the letterbox 100m away.

It's a trap any bloke could get caught in, so I thought I would give some advice to other prospective leave takers:

  •  The clothes dryer isn't meant to dry clothes: It's there just in case it rains.
  •  Watching re-runs from last year's footy or playing the Playstation isn't spending time with the kids.
  •  Knocking the heads off a few roosters isn't counted as going shopping.
  •  Even though for your wife it's a hard day's work looking after the house, it's not for you so you can't get on the stubbies every day after you finish.
  •  Heating up some nuggets isn't a home-cooked meal.
  •  Rain does not substitute for washing the veranda.
  •  Apparently you have to wait for a cake to cool before removing it from the pan.
  •  Using toilet cleaner isn't cleaning the toilet.
  •  You shouldn't just iron and wash your clothes first - that's selfish.
  •  New red clothes don't wash well with cricket whites.
  •  Don't change the washers in your kitchen sink with pliers.

I hope you can take some lessons from what I have learnt but, if not, I am quite willing to let you borrow my wife for some training because I have found out she is an expert.



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