Flirting with someone else's man is flirting with disaster
LOVE Doctor Gabrielle Morrissey explains what to do when you're getting a bit too close to someone else's man.
Question: I have a friend who I call a flirty-friend because we always flirt together, but it never goes anywhere sexual.
While we are immensely attracted to each other, he has a girlfriend overseas, and I completely respect his commitment to her.
The problem is, we often go out partying together, and when we're drunk, we've crossed that flirty line into making out.
I've never slept with him, but it's only because I've stopped it when it's come to the crunch.
It's like he's got no self-control when he's been drinking, and I'm tired of playing the good girl.
Should I just sleep with him and claim him as mine, or stop seeing him altogether?
I'd love to find a middle ground, but I can't see one. Please help.
Answer: You're playing a dangerous game.
In flirting with this taken friend, you're flirting with disaster.
You are attracted to a man who is in a committed relationship.
Regardless of the geography involved, he is not available to you, so there is no middle ground.
Sleeping with him will not enable you to "claim" him as yours.
If he were to approach you sober, and flirt with you, and ask you to be with him, then that might be a different matter to negotiate.
But the fact remains, your friendship only advances to the sexual level when under the influence of alcohol.
In all likelihood, the alcohol acts as a sexual disinhibitor and releases feelings of lust that have little to do with you, and more to do with this friend feeling lonely, missing his girlfriend and seeking comfort wherever he can find it.
You could take advantage of this booze-fuelled situation by succumbing to the flirtation game, but in the end, in the morning, it would be you who loses.
You don't have to stop seeing him altogether, if you don't want, but you should absolutely stop seeing him when either of you have been drinking.
If your attraction grows under sober circumstances, then you can talk about your feelings and frustrations.
But if you continue to flirt with drink and desire together, you're playing with fire.
You deserve better than to play second fiddle to another girl across the miles.