I own my own home: Mel Buttle
I own my own home: Mel Buttle

I quit avocado on toast, now I own a house

I've done it, I am now a homeowner. It was so easy, I just quit avocado on toast then out of nowhere a 20 per cent deposit appeared in my account.

I kid! Among the excitement about planning my decor and whether I will put the table tennis table in the living room, as I promised my 16-year-old self, there has been stress.

I have been up most days at 3am making lists of things to do and doing sums on how little money I could earn and still have a home to live in. It's peaceful at 3am, apart from the sound of me tapping away on my phone, searching for things like, "check if power socket under house". It's riveting stuff.

Buying a house takes over your life - suddenly you're keen to talk to people about termite barriers and how much it cost them to paint their veranda.

I cannot wait to be in my new place, it's got a huge yard for the dog, so hopefully she can spend her time down there instead of pawing at me for yet another liver treat. Like a lot of people from my generation and before, I've had to borrow some funds from my parents to make all this happen. I will of course pay them back, upon any lotto win or if Hollywood ever wants to make a movie about a young girl from Brisbane who bravely battled through life, surviving having the same haircut as Ronald McDonald in high school.

I obviously won't be revealing my new suburb, but let's just say it's nowhere near inner-city Brisbane. I am in the outer-outskirts of town and I don't mind it out there. It's quiet, there are hardly any cafes to waste money in and there are no hills, which means walking the dog is a little more inviting.

I still have to move in - what a bummer that it is. All my most-hated things: lifting, carrying and watching Dad stack and restack the trailer.

He gives himself the best job, he stands by at the trailer while everyone else runs around bringing him the stuff, which he then turns and puts in place.

He cleverly avoids walking backwards up a hallway with a mattress. By the way mattresses are the one of the most difficult things to carry.

Perhaps that's how I'll pay the parents back, by becoming a mattress-with-handles mogul.

Mel Buttle is a Brisbane comedian

mel@melbuttle.com



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