Lifestyle

Ode to the un-faithful Kombi

"Kostly" owner and blogger Damian Bathersby.
"Kostly" owner and blogger Damian Bathersby.

KOSTLY the Kombi was worried.

Not only was he unsure whether his name was actually Kostly or Kosmic, thanks in no small part to his owners - the pretty young girl and boyishly good-looking young man - being unable to make up their minds, but he was about to go on his first road trip.

"Oh bugger," he said, in language quite unbecoming a jacaranda purple Kombi with a red pop-top and a swirl of stars down each side.

"I don't know if I'm up to this.

"There I was, enjoying life under a tree in a paddock in the middle of nowhere and this pair had to come along and ruin everything."

Fans of Kostly - the Kombi formerly and still quite regularly known as Kosmic - will be familiar with his story.

How a happy life of hanging around outside courthouses and enjoying free love and cheap drugs at music festivals came to an end when he was abandoned in a paddock.

How the pretty young girl and handsome young man rescued him and poured all their love (and most of their money) into making him a showpiece of the Kombi world.

Crushed purple velour lining, purple velvet curtains, purple seats, purple sheets on his bed ... he was the king of all things purple.

Sadly, if there was one thing Kostly hated more than having someone intrude on his his life of lazing around, it was the colour purple.

That and snakes, which had made his life a misery by crawling into his most private parts while he sat under the tree in the paddock, minding his own business.

But he couldn't do anything about the snakes or his owners' tastes in colour because, as everyone knows, Kombis have no hands ... or arms ... or legs.

If he had hands or arms or legs, he might waited until all his pent-up frustrations had reached boiling point and kicked some reptile butt before giving his dopey owners a hiding just for good measure.

But he didn't, so all he could do was whinge and worry about the road trip ahead and plot his revenge.

And so, long before the sun came up, the pretty young girl and handsome young man packed Kostly with their clothes and some food (what little they could still afford) and some bottles of cheap alcohol.

Then they held their breath and turned the key.

And because they had managed to sneak up on him while he was still asleep, Kostly started first time.

"Bugger," he thought to himself.

"That wasn't supposed to happen.

"Now I suppose they'll expect it all the time."

So he backfired a few times, just for good measure, before allowing them to back him out of the driveway.

And off they went on their road trip, with the pretty young girl and handsome young man singing songs from the '80s which no one else remembers and even fewer care about.

For a little while even Kostly the Kombi was enjoying himself and if any of the other traffic on the road had been paying attention they might have noticed the hint of a smile around the purple and red daisy on the cover of his spare tyre.

But they were all nasty big B-Doubles and 18-wheelers who were too busy laughing at his purple paint job, saying rude things about his stars and trying to push him off the road.

They didn't have time to notice his slightly crazy grin or the trail of petrol fumes he left behind.

"I'll remember you," hissed Kostly as they sped past.

"I know people who know people.

"Just one spark and these petrol fumes are going up with a bang - so watch your backs, suckers."

Which was much better for his self-respect than joining the pretty young girl and handsome young man in another renditon of Yellow Submarine.

"That went well," said the handsome young man, oblivious to the dramas taking place around him.

"I have to admit I was a bit worried," agreed the pretty young girl.

"But Kostly seems to be behaving himself."

And they cruised down the highway without any problems and had a wonderful holiday as the birds sang and the butterflies did whatever butterflies do.

It was just like scene from a Disney movie and nothing whatsoever went wrong with Kostly.

Which is exactly why they call these things fairytales, boys and girls.

Because they never actually happen.

They are figments of someone's fertile imagination.

And while the background music to this little tale is the soundtrack to Bambi, any Kombi owner will tell you that it can turn into something from Psycho or the Halloween III without any warning at all.

Topics:  cars cars news damian bathersby kombi motoring



Six hideaway bars to escape winter chill

THE last season of GoT finally uttered the words we’ve been waiting six seasons to hear and now that the weather has cooled down in Brisbane, “winter is here.”

Our six art gallery picks for a creative day out

Queensland's Gallery of Modern Art always has a fun, exciting and interesting exhibition on show for the whole family to enjoy.

YOU'D be mistaken in thinking Brisbane wasn't an arty city.

Brisbane's arts and culture events centre stage

You loved the film, now you're about to love the musical. Don't miss The Bodyguard The Musical in Brisbane this July.

THE arts and culture events you don't want to miss.

Homewares stores to fulfil your Instagram dreams

No Caption

You too can become an Insta-star with these fab stores.

Date nights under $50

Nothing is more romantic than a picnic with a cracking view.

NOT every date has to cost you a bomb.

Top 10 Brisbane experiences to cross off your bucket list

Do yourself a favour and get amongst the food truck scene. Eat Street is a great place to start.

A GOOD bucket list doesn’t have to span continents or cost millions.

Six mega sporting events you need to be at this year

Don't miss all the action trackside this season.

IF THERE is one thing Brisbane does damn well, it’s play host.

Man in critical condition after Stanthorpe accident

A 77-year-old man is freed from car after two-vehicle crash on Britannia St in Stanthorpe.

One driver critical after accident on Friday at Stanthorpe

Ute found in river after being "stolen" from Warwick school

A ute in the Condamine River at the Grafton St Bridge in Warwick on Sunday morning

Ute pulled from Condamine River on Sunday morning

Toddler airlifted after foot partially amputated by mower

RACQ LifeFlight was called to Stanthorpe after a young boy suffered a foot injury when he fell from a ride-on mower.

Stanthorpe ambulance called to property after ride-on mower accident

Local Partners

Shot at the live shows slips through Sally's fingers

SUNSHINE Coast singer's dramatic elimination from The Voice nearly saw her form a duo with her battle round opponent.

Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor split after 17 years

They were married in May 2000 and have two children, who they said will remain their priority.

Ben Stiller and his wife Christine Taylor have called it a day

Why The Voice hasn't produced a star

Boy George responds to Brittania Clifford-Pugh's heart-warming message.

It's the industry, not the show, says Boy George

These actors hated their movies and didn’t mind admitting it

Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans in a scene from GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

Every year, Hollywood blesses us with plenty of God awful movies.

Miranda Kerr and fiance hang up backyard tent for wedding

The decorators and caterers are arriving for the final preparations for the wedding of Miranda Kerr and Evan Spiegel. Pictures: Splash

Evan Spiegel and Miranda Kerr are set to marry today

Book review: Mia Freedman's book meets her critics head on

I appreciated Freedman's blunt honesty in the book

Man's amazing comeback from monster crisis

Pat O'Driscoll agents Penny Keating and Doug Webber sold 56 Agnes St, The Range at auction over the weekend.

NOT long ago, he sold his possessions to pay staff. Now he's back.

Report reveals progress on $319m airport upgrade

Aerials of the Sunshine Coast.Jetstar plane in front of the Susnhine Coast terminal, Sunshine Coast Airport.

Over two dozen government approvals needed for airport expansion

Lost dough leaves sour taste after company collapse

Kathleen and John Mahoney from Sugar and Spice Bakery were stung after the collapse of Cantro Pty Ltd and are still owed money.

Supermarket operator collapse leaves sour taste for bakery

Open for inspection homes May 25-31

Check out this weekend's homes open for inspection

How Toowoomba house prices compare in Australia

For sale sign in front of home.

Here's what $700,000 will buy you in Toowoomba, Brisbane and Sydney

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!