Something about Kevin's popularity
FOREIGN Minister Kevin Rut has started to walk with a haughty gait after new opinion polls showed that he was popular again.
Mr Rut denied the gait was connected to the poll results, blaming instead a series of John Wayne matinees that he had been watching on international flights.
He rejected suggestions he would make another bid for the leadership.
"I am more likely to become head cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys than to lead the Labor Party again," he said.
A Dallas Cowboys' spokesman said, under the club's new gender non-discrimination policy, Mr Rut would be welcome to audition as a cheerleader but he would probably get beaten up in the car park.
Prime Minister Julia Gizzard said polls "came and went, went and came, came and went again".
"I make a point of never commenting on polls," she said.
"The only exception is polls that show that I am performing well and becoming very popular.
"So far there haven't really been any of those."
Ms Gizzard said, even though she had slipped behind Mr Rut in popularity, she was still more popular than her Treasurer Wayne Duck, "so hopefully I'll get a few brownie points for that".
Government insiders said Ms Gizzard would try to make more public appearances with Mr Duck in the hope that it would make her look better in comparison.
She would also send Mr Rut on more delegations to former Soviet republics that nobody could pronounce to stop him appearing on Q&A.
Opposition Leader Tony Abshot said he was inclined to gloat about the poll result except that he seemed to be less popular than everyone "and I'm hoping no one will notice".
Mr Rut's loss of popularity before he was dropped as prime minister last year was linked to his decision to drop the carbon tax.
Ms Gizzard's drop in popularity is linked to her decision to introduce a carbon tax.
Pollsters said the results could be explained by the electorate being fickle, and largely clueless.
"All leaders look better when they are not leaders anymore," one explained.
"When people see Kevin now, they are filled with a sense of nostalgia about gentler times.
"Suddenly his skin seems to glisten like cold metal, his smile starts to light up the room and the stars seem to dance around him as he frolics in the moonlight."
Mr Abshot said he would also frolic in the moonlight if it would make him more popular.
Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities between characters in Thirsty Cow and real people are purely coincidental and could be linked to excessive alcohol.