Menu
Lifestyle

T leaves a very bitter taste

James Magnussen has been forced to settle for silver in the final of the men's 100 metre freestyle.
James Magnussen has been forced to settle for silver in the final of the men's 100 metre freestyle. Getty Images Sport - Al Bello

THE Federal Government has launched an investigation into the letter T after it was blamed for Australia's lower-than-expected gold medal tally at the Olympics.

The letter was accused of messing with the heads of star athletes James Magmuffin (swimming), Jodie Shoots (hockey) and Kim Muscle (javelin) as all three fell short of expectations.

Sports administrator James Busted said the letter T had harassed the athletes during the filming of a bank ad and destroyed their confidence.

"As I understand it the three were hanging out with the letters C, A and N when T, chubby and with a beard, came along and started planting seeds of doubt," he said.

"Friends of Magmuffin said the champion, known as the missile, was seen sitting in the corner before his big race saying over and over that he had been beaten before.

"And Jodie was carried from the field muttering incoherently about a goalkeeper the size of a block of flats."

The revelation sparked a strong community backlash against the letter T.

Children's program Sesame Street announced it would be pulling a program brought to you by the letter T in protest at the letter's antics.

Hollywood actor Mr T announced he would be changing his name to Mr Q.

Ordinary punter Trevor said he would in future refer to himself as "Revor".

"This may seem a little extreme but it has a nice Scooby Doo quality to it," he said.

Prime Minister Julia Gizzard said her government would leave no stone unturned in getting to the bottom of the T controversy.

"Naturally we can't just have letters of the alphabet running amok in bank ads," she said.

"History has taught us that this is the way total anarchy begins."

Opposition Leader Tony Abshot said he was proud of all of Australia's athletes, except perhaps the ones that didn't go very fast.

"This is just another attempt by the Prime Minister to divert attention from the real issues such as who will be in the Big Brother house and what their secrets are," he said.

A spokesman for the letter T said his client was upset at the allegations and would defend them rigorously.

"At this stage we intend to launch a counter claim that my client was harassed and assaulted during the filming of the bank ads," he said.

"I am advised that he was pushed over a cliff, trapped under a hockey goal and chased across the paddock with a spear. This is not very nice."

Thirsty Cow is fiction. Characters and situations are a product of our imagination.

 

>> To read more lifestyle stories

Topics:  humour lifestyle olympics opinion thirsty cow



premium_icon The little boy who caught a bullet

Cameron Calvisi is recovering at the Lady Cilento Children’s Hospital. Picture: Mark Cranitch

Five-year-old has spent the past three weeks clinging to life

REVEALED: Five industries Queenslanders complain about most

UNHAPPY: White goods were one of the most complained about products last year.

More than 6.7mil returned to consumers last year by Fair Trading

Calls to ditch ‘rain’ from weather forecasts

The Lee family including dad Simon and mum Jodie with kids James, 11, Abbey, 10, Heidi, 9, and Ethan, 6, from Tweed Heads. Picture: Adam Head

Queensland Tourism Industry Council asks BoM for ‘sunnier disposition’

Local Partners

I didn’t spend money for a year

CAIT Flanders knew she reckless with her money, so she resolved to make a huge change — don’t buy anything for a year.

How do I stop my daughter from one day doing drugs?

How do you protect your children from experimenting with drugs?

How can parents ensure their own children do not go crazy on drugs?

Coast residents win back $700,000 after bad deal complaints

The most complained about industries on the Sunshine Coast

Parents boycott after school exposes girl's toilets to public

The new layout means prepubescent girls will be forced to go to the toilet in front of a CCTV camera and a classroom door.

School wants girls to go to the toilet in a hallway

'Alarming' excuses drivers use to speed in school zones

FILE PHOTO: Drivers speed through Coast school zones.

The excuses drivers are using to speed in Coast school zones.

Beauty blogger slammed for ‘sexualising’ child with makeup

Sexualising a child with makeup won't make you internet popular

premium_icon Sun’s out, bums out, like it or not

A cheeky new swimwear trend is taking over our beaches and it's all about the booty as Holly Fraser and Ella van Seters prove  at Burleigh Heads. Picture:  Adam Head

It's the cheeky new bikini trend slowly taking over Qld beaches