Lifestyle

What the flock was that?

THIS week my peace was disturbed by the call of nature.

Not the call of nature that has you gripping your stomach before making a mad dash to the littlest room in the house but the real call of nature - which believe me, can be just as annoying.

I kept hearing pesky tap taps or dull thuds from outside when I was in the house.

At first I thought, "Here we go again the Jehovah's are at the door" but whenever I went to the front door, no one was there - which was both a blessing and a mystery.

For a while I blamed the kids for the racket (not an unreasonable assumption in my household) but that accusation fell over when the noises continued even when both of my little darlings were not even within cooee of the house - also a blessing and a mystery.

For the third time in the same afternoon, I opened the front door after hearing thuds and taps to find no one there except my dopey dog. After interrogating the dog without success I went back inside and, like some modern day Mata Hari, stood in waiting behind the closed blinds.

It didn't take long. Thud, tap, tap. I wrenched the blinds back to be met face-to-beak with the noisy culprit - and it wasn't an overweight tap dancer.

It was a pee wee, one of those small black and white birds with attitudes way too big for their tiny little bodies.

For some reason two of these birds had taken an unnatural shine to my front window and for almost a week had been dive-bombing off my garage roof and smacking up against the glass.

It was only a matter of time before one of these kamikaze pilots would go straight through the window.

I've already given enough money to glaziers thanks to my eldest's obsession with cricket and soccer balls so I wasn't about to lose another window without a fight.

I needed a plan of attack. I could stand outside the window all day, waving my arms and screaming abuse but with two kids I'm already pretty busy doing that on the inside of the house.

Hubby's helpful suggestion of putting a mirror in the nearest tree did nothing to attract the attention of the birds, although it certainly attracted the attention of the neighbours.

So I moved on to Plan B.

Stick something on the window that would scare the crap out of them. I could've gone with the candid photo of me in a pair of swimmers taken on our last holiday but I had the neighbours to consider so I raided the kids' rooms for posters to tape up on the window instead.

I was hoping for something really scary - a pic of Kim Kardashian without her make-up would have done the job nicely but I had to settle for an old poster of Spider-Man.

No joy. If anything, it seemed to encourage the little daredevils.

I was beginning to feel like Tippi Hedren in the Alfred Hitchcock movie, The Birds. Short of buying a shotgun, I was at my wit's end, until my youngest came up with an idea.

So, if you should drive past a house with a make-up mirror dangling in a tree, a poster of Spider-Man plastered on the front window and a big, fat rubber snake poking through the flyscreen, don't be alarmed, don't be afraid.

It's just one household answering the call of nature.

Family Taming is a weekly humour column.

Topics:  family taming humour opinion



Date nights under $50

ACCORDING to The Bachelor falling in love involves helicopter rides, private jets, shopping trips, and we mustn’t forget the hot tubs.

Brisbane's arts and culture events centre stage

You loved the film, now you're about to love the musical. Don't miss The Bodyguard The Musical in Brisbane this July.

THE arts and culture events you don't want to miss.

Homewares stores to fulfil your Instagram dreams

No Caption

You too can become an Insta-star with these fab stores.

Top 10 Brisbane experiences to cross off your bucket list

Do yourself a favour and get amongst the food truck scene. Eat Street is a great place to start.

A GOOD bucket list doesn’t have to span continents or cost millions.

Six mega sporting events you need to be at this year

Don't miss all the action trackside this season.

IF THERE is one thing Brisbane does damn well, it’s play host.

Insider’s guide to the best rooftop bars

Eleven Rooftop Bar is one to put on your hit list.

SEE the world from a different perspective...

Where to get your hands on the best wings

Try out these bad boys at Buffalo Bar.

IS THERE anything better than a wicked bowl of chicken wings? Nope.

McCulkin jury may consider manslaughter as an alternative

Vincent O'Dempsey.

"We know that he's a jealous, violent man,” the court heard.

Council moves into confidential sessions

NEW PROJECTS: Southern Downs Regional Council has been given almost $3 million through the Works for Queensland funding.

Councils are allowed to discuss matters in a closed session

Second drink driving charge in two weeks

Warwick Court House

His licence was immediately suspended

Local Partners

Rebel Wilson says she didn’t have to lie to make it

I’M not glamorous, but that doesn’t make me a liar: that’s the message from Rebel Wilson on her second day in the witness box.

Kim Kardashian slammed over Manchester tribute

Kim Kardashian's tribute to Manchester didn't go down well

Top Gun 2 movie is happening, Tom Cruise confirms

Tom Cruise in a scene from the movie Top Gun.

TOM Cruise delights fans with announcement on Sunrise.

The first Baywatch movie reviews are in

From left, Jon Bass, Alex Daddario, Zac Efron, Dwayne Johnson, Kelly Rohrbach, and Ilfenesh Hadera in a scene from the movie Baywatch.

Critics were less than impressed.

Boyfriend loses it over sex lie

Stacey Louise’s sex lie destroys her relationship.

SEVEN Year Switch’s Stacey told a fib about her sex life.

Why Crowe’s thankful for those ‘bulls**t’ rumours

Russell Crowe and Terri Irwin in 2007.

Crowe and Terri Irwin have been dodging dating rumours for years now

MOVIE REVIEW: King Arthur - Legend of the Sword

Charlie Hunnam in a scene from the movie King Arthur: Legend of the Sword.

Why the critics have got Guy Ritchie’s King Arthur all wrong.

How Toowoomba house prices compare in Australia

For sale sign in front of home.

Here's what $700,000 will buy you in Toowoomba, Brisbane and Sydney

One of Maryborough's most historic homes is still for sale

FULL OF HISTORY: Trisha Moulds is owner of the historic Tinana state known as Rosehill. The beautiful home is currently for sale.

It has been the scene of both joy and tragedies over the years.

The face of the Sunshine Coast's overpriced rental crisis

Alyx Wilson had to rent a $385 unit in Currimundi because the market was too competitive for cheaper rental housing. She is now renting a room from friends who own a house in Currimundi, and says its much more affordable.

Young people feel the strain in competitive, expensive rental market

WATCH: Take a tour of a tradie's dream home

5a Bruce Hiskens Court, Norman Gardens, going for $720,000. INSET: Lea Taylor.

Huge block with potential for anything

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!